Hopeful Email.

Since speaking to our nephew concerning Older Son, I've left one voice mail message. It was very short and very vague, and I've wanted to post an email with a little more information. Until this morning, I didn't feel settled or confident enough to write anything.

After speaking with Daughter and especially Tall One, and some other close confidants, I decided to stop operating under D.I.L.ly's bizarre, ever changing expectations. I decided to once again treat my son honestly as a rational adult. I feel good about the email, the wording and the timing. When Tall One gets home from his golf game and charity event, I'll have him read it, and call O.S. to let him know we sent it.

Following is the message:

Dear O.S.,
Dad and I have been wanting to send you an email since talking to Oldest Nephew. We left one voice message on your phone, but, we want to communicate a little more about how we feel. We want you to have all the time you need to decide when (and if) to contact us.

I was sad to hear that D.I.L.ly left. Dad and I are so proud of the way you supported her. We wouldn't have expected any less. I have missed you awfully this past year, and I hate what we all went through before you left for New England. Master's mentioned that you picked up a van and spent a night at their home. Isn't it nice? I love the old woodwork, and the way they've arranged everything. And having Dairy Queen across the street? Master's said that you plan to travel, so did Oldest Nephew. I can imagine you doing that. I hope that I can hear of your adventures.

Dad and I have friends in New England. We went to visit them last fall. That's very close to where you live. It was beautiful. We could imagine you living in the mountains and loving that area. Nana shared your letter with me. I was so happy to hear that you were hiking and fishing. I always thought of you as happy. My heart is broken for you O.S., that you were not...that D.I.L.ly was not.

I am not angry. I never was. Breaking our relationship is the hardest, most hurtful thing I have ever done. I did it because I could see the hurt and anger in your eyes. I wouldn't come between you and your wife, I wouldn't make you feel like you had to choose. I never expected you to choose any other course of action than taking care of D.I.L.ly, and trying your best to make her happy and meet her needs. That's really what I had always hoped to do as a mother-in-law. I love D.I.L.ly. It just became impossible to live with her.

My biggest hope is that you will show up at our door. Maybe on your way to Your End Destination? Maybe you are already in Your End Destination!! My second greatest hope would be to hear your voice on the phone. I can't tell you how exciting it was to hear your voice mail message! It was the same! I would equally love to see an email message from you!

I don't know how you are feeling toward me now. When I cut off contact in our last counseling session with you and D.I.L.ly, I accepted that responsibility. I still do. You have every right to see and talk to anyone in the family that you want to. I have not told Nana anything that I learned from Master's or Oldest Nephew. It is my understanding that Nana's "problem" is with D.I.L.ly - never with you. Daughter and Dude know what Oldest Nephew knows, he's talked with them. I have not talked with PhD about any of this, but he and Master's will be here next weekend, and I will most likely let him know that I've emailed you. If you feel more comfortable talking with or emailing Dad, please don't hesitate to do that! He misses you. Very much.

(Paragraph deleted. Contained personal information on relative for Older Son. Unrelated to our estrangement and possible reconciliation.)

I love you, O.S.
Mom