WTF! vs. wtf?

Whose stupid idea was hormones, anyway? I find it almost incomprehensible that the human race has survived it's procreative process. Apparently men aren't easily daunted? Women, even after experiencing pregnancy and childbirth, will decide to propagate yet again? Puberty, with it's first flush of raging sexuality, may explain an initial preoccupation. But, adolescents are terminally annoying! Why doesn't the irritation override the attraction?

Then in young adulthood the real horror of PMS takes over. You've got seven days of active menstruation - bleeding, bloating, cramps, followed by a week's worth of ovulation woes - food cravings, excitability, sleeplessness, followed by one pretty good day - but you're exhausted from the tribulations of the past two weeks, followed by a week to ten days of pure emotional hell. Not much of a window of opportunity. But, love finds a way...and you spend the next two decades raising the fruits of those ten minute intervals.

So, what's natures reward? Menopause!

I'm actually in the throes of perimenopause. Thank you, Experts, so much for clarifying that for me! According to these Experts, who should all rot in hell, perimenopause are the 5-15 YEARS leading up to a 12 month cessation of menstruation, after which you can say you are menopausal. During this interminable time you will experience hot flashes, mood swings, crushing fatigue, mental confusion, loss of libido, feelings of dread, there are 35 listed here: http://www.project-aware.org/Experience/symptoms.shtml. Ok, that may be technically correct...but, right now I'm using the term "menopausal" as a synonym for "raging ax-murderer", which is what I could become before ultimately making it to the nirvana that is postmenopause: brittle bones, facial hair, abdominal fat distribution, dry skin, thinning hair and incontinence.

I can get sooooo angry...and irrational.

I'm pretty much void of "warm fuzzes". If I'm not actively irritated, than I'm inwardly hyperventilating. I'd really rather you didn't touch me...don't even talk to me...stop LOOKING at me! I feel overwhelmed. Don't get in my way! Don't ask me to deviate from my projected course, and, for god's sake, don't ask me anything and expect a civil reply!

I was cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, which involves multi-tasking. "Sudden lack of multi-tasking ability" should be listed under the previously mentioned list of perimenopauseal symptoms. In addition to putting the dishes into the dishwasher, washing the dishes that can't go into the dishwasher, wiping the counters, & refrigerating the leftovers, I'm getting the grandsons more chocolate milk and/or lemonade, monitoring video game play, feeding the Princess a bottle, and kicking the cat out of the way. Tall One picks this exact moment to ask me if I want to bike to the Rotary picnic tomorrow night. My response wasn't pretty...and lasted about 20 minutes...for which I apologized repeatedly over the next 36 hours.

When I'm not flying off, irrationally, at the smallest provocation, I'm just idiotic.

My interpersonal barometer is stuck on "lacking social skills". It's not just that I say stupid things...I've always done that, and could laugh at myself and move on...I'm just ridiculous, and then I freeze. I'm imagining it's embarrassing. It would be embarrassing if I had the capacity to discern. My mind, for days at a time, is just a fuzzy blank.

I ran into a couple of friends while out walking with the Pretty Princess this morning. The first, a couple, were going into the coffee shop. I haven't seen the wife in many months and she looked fantastic! She'd lost weight, and was blond with a GREAT cut. Really sharp. My witty comment on her weight loss consisted of, "Starving?"...yup, that's what I said. I have a vague remembrance of stammering other sentences that I hope conveyed the underlying delight in seeing her and just how impressed I am at her stunning transformation...at least I'm assuming I would be delighted and impressed if I were capable of feeling anything over the oppressive confusion and stifling intellectual lethargy!

Then, Pretty Princess and I stopped by the local farmers' market. I'm pretty sure I was stupid at the two stands from which I purchased products, and maybe a bit moronic to the others as I smiled, nodded, and drooled some sort of mumbled attempted witticism as we walked past. Then I saw a dear friend. He's a joker. So I greeted him with, "Oh, I was hoping I didn't run into anyone I knew! ha, ha, ha!" I know, it doesn't make any sense, it didn't at the time, it never will. It's just hanging out there in conversational purgatory...the poor man probably thinks I'm brain damaged. I'm surprised he didn't call a family member to come and pick me up!

And, now I'm sitting here, with Spongebob Squarepants on the television, trying to put three or four words together to make some sort of understandable sentence, and it's just impossible. I usually save posts, emails, and other internet contributions from these mentally challenged ramblings, for times when I'm able to THINK, critique and correct, but, I'm going to go ahead and post this...if it doesn't make sense, perhaps you'll understand...if it does make any sense at all...well, damn, I'm good!

Oh, and I have cramps, and I'm bleeding to death.