A Good Story?

This doesn't happen to me very often...because, I consciously turn my thoughts in other directions. I strictly adhere to my commitment "to want to do everything I have to do". I do not normally dread anything or anyone. Today, I have a "dread".....that uncomfortable fearful expectation of not performing satisfactorily a simple task that I've taken EVERY precaution I can to properly complete. I have done my best to gather the best information from every available source...and yet, there are still some unknown factors involved. This task is for my mother...and I seriously would rather die than fuck this up.

Ok, that's an extreme overstatement...but, I'm in a bit of crisis...

Mom is on a VERY fixed, low income. Tall One and I help out wherever and whenever we can. Mom lives in a condo that we own, she pays us a monthly rent, plus her utilities. WE operate in the red (in the VERY red). My brothers help out financially, every single time I ask them for help, with gifts and medical equipment. I have been "supplementing" her grocery situation for years. I found an agency to modify her bathroom and install a vertical life, since she can't live independently otherwise. I have researched and helped her apply for medical assistance, energy assistance, rent rebates, and now the "Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program", formerly known as Food Stamps.

Mom deludes prides herself on her self-sufficiency and financial acumen.

I have tried repeatedly to contact the Public Assistance (Welfare) Office to ask a couple of simple, common sense type questions...I have left messages. No one has returned my calls. Mom can't shop for herself...I want to know if I'll get arrested for using her card. I want to know exactly HOW to use this card. I want to know for sure, before I do her grocery shopping if said card WILL WORK because it is, apparently, according to the lady who issued it, the MOST SENSITIVE CARD EVER MANUFACTURED! I MUST keep it securely in its protective sleeve. I can't get it too close to other cards, my cell phone, batteries, or magnets. This card has almost as many self-esteem issues and phobias as my mother. I have successfully activated it. But, what if I swipe it and the damn thing doesn't WORK! I'm doing two weeks worth of grocery shopping for my mother today, and then I'm going out of the country! My mother sees me as a mildly retarded twelve year old. Every legitimate screw up of my entire life (and a host of perceived fuck ups) is paraded out periodically and "chuckled" over. If this doesn't work, Mom's life will be ruined and IT WILL BE MY FAULT.

This is a ridiculous way for a 54 year old, accomplished, self assured, woman with average intelligence, to behave. ENOUGH! WHATEVER! ONWARD!

Either way, success or crushing failure, this will be a good story. I love a good story....